Do your communications suck? Are you just not heard? Does it make sense in your head but words fail to be coherent when they leave your mouth?
Ok here’s a thought……Rethink the attitude and intentions behind your communications.
In formative years experiencing an environment that is unconscious, un-nurturing, unsupportive or doesn’t encourage communication is confusing and leaves you feeling powerless and leaving scars of emotional pain. Disconnection to the self, others and the environment are common survival techniques and they may play out these effects…
4 Pain Origin Effects:
Fear : Sabotage of the self and others; fear of failure or fear of success: ours or theirs to stay ‘safe’.
Resentment : TANTRUM – didn’t get what you wanted, when and how you wanted it.
Self-Pity: Used to avoid personal responsibility.
Betrayal: What was taken away from you. Used to avoid connection so you can’t be taken from again.
Unconsciously this pain influences how we react and respond in subsequent interactions, then you may find yourself unknowingly and unconsciously using a combination of disconnected and defensive behaviours. So what are they?
4 Disconnected Behaviours:
Projections: You should. Projecting fears, doubts, insecurities on to another in an attempt to blame.
Entitlements: Give me. What you think the universe/world/life/others owe you.
Cravings: I want. The pursuit of an elusive something/someone that will make life better/
Obligations: You have to ……….. to make me happy. Expectations regarding the comfortable, limiting status quo.
4 Defence Behaviours:
Control Avoidance Blame Manipulate
Whether subtle or blatant, continual defensive behaviour may limit the quality and longevity of relationships. Constantly anticipating the need to defend, confront openly or passively in order to stay in control significantly reduces the capacity for clear perception, understanding, problem solving and ultimately connection.
When communicating, the listener filters what the speaker is saying through their own experiences, situation, pain, beliefs, judgements, wants or lacks – their limited perception.
When you are the listener, participant or audience to a communication are you aware of your inner responses? Are they positive or reactive, supportive or judgmental, compassionate or dismissive?
When communicating, do you –
• get emotional
• feel a ‘jump’ inside
• have an immediate urge to justify/validate/argue your point of view
• wonder how you could be so dim not to have thought of it before
• doubt your own convictions
• start thinking about something else
• become tired or go to sleep
• physically remove yourself from the conversation
• immediately change the subject, agree or stay silent when your opinion is different
These emotional responses are the Big indicators you need to listen to. They alert you to how you feel about yourself, your life, situation, those in it, the past, the future, where you feel you lack, defeated or the need to defend.
It is important to understand your own perceived perception in communication, it governs the quality of your relationships. The more aware and connected you are, the less you will enter into defensive, argumentative communications.
When you feel emotional indicators surging, take a breath, acknowledge the feeling, quickly assess the feeling attached to it and decide how it is appropriate to respond in that moment.
To consciously choose to illuminate a dark response, reaction, thought, behaviour, action, opinion or comment is an opportunity to dissolve thoughts that are not in alignment with your true or higher self, balance your vibration, grow spiritually, enliven your soul and maximize your Global Heart Print.